Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Wanted: Literary Agent

I don’t currently have a literary agent. In fact, I’ve never had one even though I’ve managed to attract the attention of a few editors. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like one, but they would have to be very special. In the spirit of Mary Poppins, wherein Jane and Michael Banks advertise for their dream nanny, I’ve devised an advertisement for my dream agent. I only wish I had a snappy little tune to sing it to like Jane and Michael did so eloquently.

 In case you can’t tell, I adore Mary Poppins in all it’s 1970’s glory. J

Wanted: Literary Agent

Must love the following wholeheartedly, without reservation~ books, dark chocolate, coffee, tea with honey, Jane Eyre, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, small animals and children, but not necessarily in that order.
Must be honest, charitable, trustworthy, punctual, and kind-hearted. Must be willing to put up with my numerous questions and emails without batting or rolling an eye. Must doggedly fight for my work and for me while giving the best professional advice money can buy. Must be willing to represent  the multiple genres and age levels I write for and find appropriate publishers for all my projects. Said publishers will have plush marketing budgets for my books. Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, etc. will be leisure activities for me, not requirements for marketing. Must never be cross, impatient, rude, snobbish, condescending, disingenuous, or lazy. Experience coaching, cheerleading, writing, editing, and mentoring a plus.

For my part, I promise to meet all deadlines and provide all written material needed, i.e. blurbs, synopses, copy, etc. I promise to make any necessary edits cheerfully, while reserving the right to respectfully disagree if someone suggests changes in voice I can’t accept. Above all, I promise to write.

All agents with the above qualifications, please respond immediately. I eagerly await your application. Sincerely,

Lisa T. Cresswell


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